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Safe from Theft

According to the Vehicle Insurance Loss Data Institution, the top five automobiles most likely to be stolen are the Cadillac Escalade, F-250 crew cab pickup, Infiniti G37 two-door car, Dodge Charger with HEMI, and Chevrolet Corvette Z06.  The Institute also reported that the vehicle least likely to be stolen is Greg Mickelson’s 1974 Datsun B210. 


It is widely believed that Greg could safely leave the car in front of a crack house, running, with a full tank of gas, the keys in the ignition, and Big Mac on the dash.


“I have known Greg a long time,” said Mike Winston, a family friend who asked to remain anonymous. “And I like Greg, but I think he is mildly brain damaged.  Nothing else explains why he keeps that car.”


Nissan Motor Company issued the following statement:

“As a result of the 1973 Oil Crisis, the Datsun B210 was one of our more popular early lines.  The unpopularity of Greg Mickelson’s B210 can only be attributed to Greg himself.”


Greg Mickelson has failed to comment as of press-time.